Decisions

Day 2

Goal: not to hear from the clinic

Met?: no... 

Mood: okay

Symptoms: tired, achy body (hope I'm not getting sick!)

POAS?: no

Want to?: no

Report: when I talked to the embryologist yesterday he told me that I would not hear from him today as he would be leaving my embies alone until Monday. So you can imagine how my heart stopped when the clinic popped up on my caller ID today.

It was the embryologist and he told me that he had taken a peek at my embies today, after all. Of our 5 embies, 3 are looking perfect and are 4 cells, and two are a bit behind at only 2 cells, but they are all still alive and growing! Then he told me that, since they are from frozen eggs, he wasn't sure how they would fare over the next few days and that, if I wanted, we could transfer the 3 perfect embryos tomorrow or continue as planned and try to grow them to blasts.

I asked him what his recommendation was. He said that he really couldn't give me a recommendation because it could go either way at this point. He did say that transferring tomorrow would be the "aggressive" choice since the embies are all looking really good and by transferring all three I could very well end up pregnant with all three.

In the end, Patrick and I decided to stay the course and wait for Wednesday. I know my embies are strong this time and the thought of a triplet pregnancy terrifies me. I would love three babies, but I know how incredibly high risk a triplet pregnancy is and I don't want to get this far only to put myself and my babies at risk.

Plus, I recently read something from an RE that says whether an embryo is in the lab or back in the uterus it makes no difference in whether or not it will survive. He says that an embryo that doesn't make it in the lab would not have made it in the uterus. Whether that's true or not, it makes sense to me and, no matter what, I know my embies that make it to blast are the strongest ones. I want to be 100% confident that I'm doing what's best for me and my babies. 

This journey is such an emotional one, and there will always be questions of what-if, but I cannot allow my fears and emotions to cloud what I believe is best. Am I worried that nothing will make it? Yes. Am I concerned that my "back-up" blasts won't thaw if I need them? Yes. Am I anxious to have my babies back with me? Absolutely. But those things do not out-weigh the risks of being pregnant with three babies. Worst case for this cycle- we have nothing to transfer and I have to start over. Worst case if I end up pregnant with triplets- complications, bed rest, early labor... And worse things I don't even want to think about.

So when the embryologist called me back for a decision I told him we wanted to wait until Wednesday. 

Now I'm just hoping and praying that I have at least one (I'm praying hard for two) embryos to transfer. I have faith in my embabies. More importantly, I have faith in God. 

Please, God, keep my embryos strong and growing.