Friday, August 31, 2012


I always like to have goals. They take a big challenge that seems overwhelming and break it down into something manageable. For me, the TWW is an overwhelming challenge with only one goal- that elusive positive pregnancy test. This time I'm going to attempt to break it down into mini-goals... 14 to be exact... One for every day of the wait until beta. Some things I'll have control over, some will be things I hope for, but every day will have a milestone, a potential victory over the TWW.
Day 1- I'm hoping for a 75% thaw rate (9 of 12 eggs) and a 50% fertilization rate after thaw (since I can't have half an embryo, I'm going to think positive and round up, so hoping for 5 embies). Last cycle we had a 54.5%  thaw rate (6 of 11) and only 1 of 6 fertilized (16.7%!) so I'm really just looking for an improvement.
Day 2- this was transfer day last cycle... I don't want it to be transfer day this cycle. My goal is to not have to have any contact with the clinic today.
Day 3- I want at least 75% of my embies to still be growing today.
Day 4- to still be able to walk or sleep on my side with no knots from PIO
Day 5- simple... I want to have transfer today.
Day 6- I want to be happy/hopeful for this cycle.
Day 7- this is the day I made them switch me off of PIO last time because I was in too much pain. This time I'm going to try to stay on 1ml PIO with 1 Endometrin, as opposed to 2ml PIO or 3 Endometrin.
Day 8- I want to have our next door neighbor over for dinner. She's alone and super sweet, I want to do something nice for her.
Day 9- I want to try 3 new things today. I know it sounds ambitious, but I'm thinking along the lines of a new recipe, an ingredient I've never used before, finally tackling the sewing "lessons" my mom wants to give me, etc.
Day 10- I want to make it at least this far before I start peeing on sticks. This might be a hard one... I have a lot of sticks.
Day 11- I want to change something today. Not sure what... Just something.
Day 12- I am not going to go on FertilityFriend or any forums today to take my mind off possible "symptoms".
Day 13- day before beta. This is a hard goal to make. I think for now my goal will be to not obsess. No more than one HPT per day (though I'm going to try to withhold from testing all together), no checking and rechecking... And rechecking and rechecking... A test a bajillion times a day, no googling symptoms, no freaking out if I see a tiny spot of pink on the tp. If I have a positive test at this point, I want to enjoy being pregnant. If it is negative, I want to be focusing on the next step, the next cycle.
Day 14- another simple goal... I want a positive, strong beta.
Today is day zero. "Ovulation" day. I do have a goal for today, but really it's for the entire TWW- my goal is to post and update every day, even if it's just a short check-in.
I've decided on a post "format" for the next two weeks:

Day 0
Goal: daily posts
Met?: we shall see!
Mood: snappy
Symptoms: tired
POAS?: no
Want to?: no reason
Report: we got up at 6:30 this morning and were on the road to Dallas at 7. Patrick had to be there by 11 to do his part and luckily we made good time and were there by 10:30. Character that he is, Patrick promptly told the nurse that these were his favorite doctor appointments, asked if his special room was ready, and asked if he could still come "visit" after I was pregnant and "not giving him any". The other woman in the waiting room was laughing her butt off and saying that it was the most interesting thing she has ever heard in a doctor's office. The nurse told him they were ready for him, he came over, high-fives me, and says, "Go team!" I reply, "See you in five minutes" and he actually blushes as the women crack up. 
So now we're back home, waiting for the report tomorrow and praying for good news. Tonight, I have to up my dose of PIO from 1ml to 2ml. That extra ml makes it a lot more painful. 
The things we do for baby.

Please, God, let my eggs be strong and make them fertilize into strong embryos.

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1 comment:

  1. I will be following is my CD1, well actually tomorrow is my CD1 officially, so I'm exactly 2 weeks behind you...When you get your positive beta, I'll be hopefully going in for a transfer...Good luck! Keeping you, your husband, and your little embryos that are hopefully right now cooking and my thoughts and prayers!