Second Chances

The more sure I got that I wasn't pregnant, the more determined I became to find our next option.
I found a new clinic, with great success rates, close to home, and much cheaper than my current clinic close to home. They even offer a package with 3 fresh and 3 frozen cycles, for the price of 2 fresh and 2 frozen and if you don't take home a baby, they refund 70% of the package price. My problem is, though, that I have way too many unanswered questions. Was my last cycle a lab problem? Is there a problem with my eggs? Is it an issue with me and Patrick together? If its a lab issue, I could very well get pregnant on the first cycle and we would have paid more than double for 1 cycle.
My solution? I found a clinic that does a shared egg cycle for only $3000, flat. It could be my little experiment! It would change the lab, give my eggs a shot with Patrick's sperm, and give them a shot with the recipients' sperm, thus testing all theories. If it worked, GREAT! Our additional cost would be minimal. If not, at least we would know where our problem is and if we need to spring for the package, or if we could do cycle by cycle.
I went in 11dp2dt for my beta. My HPT that morning had been negative so I was prepared for the worst. I called Patrick from work to tell him about my plan for our next steps and he said that sounded like a great idea. As we were going over the plan, my phone beeped for call-waiting. The caller ID said it was my clinic.
I told Patrick I would call him back and switched calls, expecting my nurse to be on the other line. Instead, it was the embryologist. He said that he wasn't going to beat around the bush, and that he was extremely sorry, but my beta came back negative. He told me that he had talked to my doctor, and that they both feel like they had dropped the ball with me and that they should have, and can, do much better with me. (At this point I was thinking that he was just trying to convince me to come back to them) Then he told me that he they were offering me a free cycle.
I was speechless. My jaw literally dropped and I stood there for a moment with my mouth hanging open, blinking at space and looking like someone had punched me.
He went on to tell me that the company that had sponsored the study was willing to sponsor another cycle for me, the clinic was willing to waiver their remaining fees, that he had spoken to the anesthesiologist, who had agreed to donate his services for ER, and that they were trying to get all my medicines donated as well, giving me a 100% free cycle! If they can't get all my meds, I'd have to buy anything they couldn't get, but that would be my only expense.
This is truly a gift from God!
My doctor assured me that they were going to stim me much slower this time, as he thinks my sky-rocketing E2 played a big part in my egg quality and they're really going to try to not have me over-stim this time so that I hopefully make it to transfer. I have an appointment with him on Monday to go over last cycle and the upcoming one, and I have a list of questions ready for him. For now I'm back on BCP... yuck!... and I'll cycle again in July. The lab is closed the first two weeks in July, and at first I was upset about the delay, but now I'm thankful for it. We have a lot going on right now and I think the break will be good for me, mentally and physically.
Lately I've felt much more at peace with everything that's happened. Patrick and I have plenty to keep us busy and I think that's helped keep me from dwelling. We are going to Chicago for a week the last weekend in June and I'm really looking forward to the trip! I'll be starting Lupron while up there so that I can start stims immediately after the lab re-opens. Luckily, its just Lupron and not anything that needs to be refrigerated or taken intramuscularly.
We're also buying a house! Right now, closing is set for July 20, but things are progressing quicker than we thought, so we're hoping to close sooner. We plan on doing some remodeling before we move in (we both refuse to live through another remodel) and we hope to move in by August 1. As it stands right now, I'm expecting ER to be the last week of July, and (hopefully) have ET the first week in August, so we're definitely going to be hiring movers this time around. If all goes to plan, I'll have a week at home... the new home!... to unpack and get settled, but how often do things go as planned?!
Good things are happening and I'm excited about the road ahead. For the past few years I've felt like everything in my life was going wrong, and at times I've felt so hopeless. I've come to realize that things were going wrong because I was trying to force them to be right. I tried to take things out of God's hands and put them in my own. Now that I've given control back to God, things are going right without my help. We're being given a second chance, with the house and the IVF. My first cycle may not have gone as I'd hoped, but I know its all for the best in the end. All I can do is put my faith in God and go with the flow.

Thank you, God, for everything You give us.